There is comfort to be found in creation.

Creating the soundtrack for the documentary, Top Job.

I sit down, reach for my instrument and hit record. I am lost in the wooden intimacy of my instrument, nestled on my lap. When I pluck, press, slide, hammer I feel connection, a chamber duo with Myself: The Performer and Myself: The Creator.

Since leaving Australia I have become slightly obsessed with the Appalachian dulcimer - a beautiful, twangy, soulful instrument played by the likes of Joni Mitchell and Dolly Parton. An instrument of simplicity and history. There is no need for perfection with this instrument. In fact, the tiny blemishes of sound from lifting off a string too late or messing with the tuning create sonic nuance and character. After years of strict classical training I relish the bliss and freedom found in embracing imperfection. It suits me and my messy, rebellious artistic soul that continues to grow stronger as I find my identity as a maker.

I’ve been tasked with the creation of a soundtrack for a new documentary. This is my first time working on such a project, an opportunity given to me by acclaimed Australian soprano and Artistic Director of Victory Hall Opera, Miriam Gordon-Stewart. Her documentary, Top Job, is “all about female leadership in Australian opera, and why we don't have more of it.” The brief for the soundtrack is exciting: what can I make at home, using my voice and basic accompaniment? What is simple yet strong?

I use my singing voice, an Appalachian (mountain) dulcimer bequeathed to me from my landlord, a bodhrán (Irish drum) gifted to me by a local folk musician after a gig in Santa Cruz, and a shruti box, unglamorously purchased from Amazon last year. I experiment with the music of Bach, Mozart, Strozzi, and Australian composer, Jodie O’Regan. Nothing is sacred, there are no rules, no music theory is closely observed.

I am overwhelmed by wanting to make it perfect. Is my vocal technique up to scratch? The room is too damn dry. Is every single word perfectly executed? I’m not a professional instrumentalist. This is what I sound like. This is what I sound like?

Maybe it isn’t surprising to hear that the best takes are the quickest. Hit record and do what you do best. Forget the plan for a moment. Sink in to what you know. Here is where I finally find enjoyment, invigoration and creative stimulation.

After I send the last recording in to Miriam we have a follow-up conversation where I question if what I have offered is adequate enough for her to include in her passion project. Full disclosure here, Miriam is my mentor, and she knows my artistic capabilities more than most. Acknowledging my fear, she asks me to consider what I have learnt about myself from this project.

I feel the answer is an article in itself. But for now: I’ve learnt that I am able to create beautiful things and that I find my true artistry in creating. I’ve learnt that, until recently, I have denied myself this pleasure as I thought I didn’t know “the rules”. There is comfort to be found in creation, if you can learn to fully accept that what you are making is enough. Why? Because, as an artist, you say so.

I find myself secure on the skin of my drum, between the drone of my dulcimer, singing from my chest, in a way that I haven’t felt before. That must mean it’s right. I don’t need to question it but I must keep doing it. I have a rawness that I want to share with you all.

Top Job will premiere online Friday, October 21 (USA) / Saturday, October 22 (Australia)